Beads of my Chaos

It was hard indeed, a change, a relocation quite unexpected in my life. Even though I am quite open to challenges that appear in my life, this time it shattered me. I was quite unsure when this came up, it did break open certain wounds that I never expected will ever appear in my life.
I was quite settled down in my space, it was like my safe house, but then again like tumbled down, I am pushed away from my comfort zone. The pain was quite shattering. It did misplace my mind. Even then not completely agreeing to the changes, I accepted it, because that was my nature. All i ever knew, from the very beginning of my life, is to get adapted.
I was so comfy with friends around, and a life that I always wanted with my beloved ones, but again I had to move on. My destiny seemed to have shifted from where I was. But my soul was contained there where I belonged.
I wondered why it always happens to me, the moment I feel like there is no more shifting and finally, I am settled, I am thrown quite far away from where I belong. And just leaving me scarred for a long time. Gradually the pain either takes me over or I conquer the pain and live with it forever.
I feel like I am just a robot in motion,
trying to figure out my notions,
but just flowing along with the tide…
the windows seem so different,
even when the sun shines the same…
the doors opened up to a world,
unknown to me.
The journey seems normal,
bu the path never collided with the one I wished for,
like the dandelion fragmented into the air,
pieces of me, scattered away in the breeze.

Unsure is my notions,
Unsure is my words which flow,
is it because I am cold,
Or is it because my heart is frozen.
I wondered as I wandered,
again in search of the same comfort,
I lost on my journey.

Yet again, all I knew is,
I will return to where i belong.
The place where i was nurtured and cared.
The arms where I belong,
but the wait is hard and grievous,
which indeed is breaking my patience
and my yearning for living.

Devoid of all feelings,
I live the present,
to conquer my future,
which I await the most.

One thought on “Beads of my Chaos

  1. Love the lines and understand your message and problem. I empathize with you as it’s never easy to tag along akin to dragging along, and being far away from loved ones is tough. Be brave like always. Loved ones are close to you too ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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