Thoughts are cluttered always in my mind. I do keep my brain idle, even when it is asleep. I taunt it crazy dreams, which I manifest in my heart or my brain.
Some days, I keep pondering about what am I? Who am I? What do I want in life? and much more .. as I said, my thoughts are always cluttered in my mind. I keep boggling it now and then.
I might do one thing today but may not want to do the same, the other day. Literally like a monkey mind, my mind jumps from one thought to the other, sometimes even my words find it hard to keep up with my speed of thinking. I keep making mistakes and mistakes all the time be it for profession writing or my ones. It is hard for me to concentrate.
My writing is never accepted at home or by anyone I love, they say it is not good or maybe my thoughts are much more rebellious as always, which is why I was never accepted from the very beginning of my life. I always had a different taste consider people or food or be it anything. It was hard for me to find fault with something that others considered a sin or simple as a ‘bad’.
My thinking was always adrift from any others in the family. The rebellious me reside in me and peeps out now and then. It never keeps anyone happy around me. But I chose to do it, as I can’t betray my inner self.
Moreover choosing me at times is important to show I love myself.
Sometimes we all are juggling between so many choices. Let’s say for example a book. In my home, as people are narrow-minded ( not to a greater extent, but yes limited), people think that reading such books like Fifty shades of grey and all is not civilized, so they all consider my writing to be a lil uncivilized or more like a barbarianism. I had tried my best to cope with it, but no response from my inner self, it told me you are cheating yourself. And it was much more hurting. Because I loved being loyal to my writings, else what’s the point in it.
Reading all kinds of books, writing what comes to my mind is what I like. If I keep a filter in it every time I do it, a piece of a particle of me is lost in something which I cannot regain.
I like being honest in my writing, the more I try to camouflage it with some restrictions, it is going to be fake even more. And the readers will never understand the true emotions in it.
Like writing, is my relationship with the people. The more I fake it, the more painful it is gonna be.
Most of the people around me, try to utilize me and my potential, and yes cant blame, its a human tendency. But again, when i am in a good mood, i don’t look into that part, but when I am blown apart, that’s when everything falls rightly into my mind and I feel like a fool being utilized.
Literally at home, I write hiding from others, because for them it’s me wasting time, and none realize how much it helped me. Few years, back I was battling with depression and as always, I regained my mind. Being experienced at falling into depression and then reviving from it. My life was never easy, though most of them never know.. Blame me for all the foolishness though( as per others).
Life is a hurdle, it gives you a multitude of options.
As you read across, this, you realise, today I am not so happy, because, I am scribbling everything that is coming up in my mind. These are my uncontrollable thoughts and it is a mess.
But again coming to the point, choosing what you always want to do keeps you happy and engaged. It gives your life a meaning, which no one can bring about.
I have seen many people not just ladies, but men too, stuck with things in life and unable to do things what they want. They not only lose what they passionate about but also a piece of themselves that they dearly posses.
Sometimes, take time out and then do what you like in your life. Do not waste it, else on your deathbed, you come to realise, you have done nothing for yourself.
Doing or pursuing what you like the most, is going to gift you, the unwrapped version of you. Trust ME ! you will.
Take the call, and feel it.
You might hurt many, but you are not hurting yourself and that is important.
Choose you sometimes.
A pinch of happiness to your soul can be given only by you.
All the best folks. !!!