The days I want to re-live

back view photo of a woman in black sleeveless top carrying a toddler

Photo by Flora Westbrook on

Recently, I had a reminiscence moment when I visited my neighbor.

To remind you, I am mostly quite reluctant to take other babies. Call it my worry that I might lead the baby to cry or maybe because I overthink a lot about not handling the baby ( in spite of being a mother twice). I recall having this problem from the very beginning and it did subside a little when I actually held my cousin’s little baby back when I was in 9th standard.

Basically, in short, I was reluctant to take any baby. Most often I have avoided. People might look at me strangely, but oh,, I have never been bothered about it.

When I held my neighbor’s child, in my arms. I was not actually looking at her- but all I was wandering through those momentous time , when I first held my daughters in my arms. It went in my head like a quick recap.

First 9 years back, the moment I held my first one, and when she grows up suddenly, then finally my little one in my arms. To the yawning baby in my arms, allĀ  I could reciprocate was a smile, which was the aftereffect of the fondest memory drive I had.

It was fun, even if it was short-lived.

Even though I had been through those moments, I just felt like re-living them again. To witness, they sleep, eat, grow, smile everything… I just don’t want to miss it for anything in the whole world.

Growing old seemed like a swift journey with kids around. Until then, everything seemed to be slow, but with them along, time began to slip away from my hands.

All I get is these moments to hold on for a lifetime as a mom. Perfect or not, All I want is them – my daughters my heaven.


Soul Recitals




A recall

brown and green maple leaf

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on

It came as a shock to me, to realize I have changed a lot from what I was.

It confused me – did I change the way I should, or have I confined to the wall that was piling up on my world?

I simply recollect the time years before, when I first got my job. It was quite a happy moment. I was almost like any other girl, who was loaded with dreams and ambitions to be successful and happy.

Things changed when I now began to resume my job. Even though I am still the ambitious one, with all my dreams in my eyes… still somewhere I was lacking the push from within.

12 years before, my eyes were filled with the aspirations to achieve something. Over the years, burdened with responsibilities and commitments to other activities towards my family, I have become someone else.

Someone else- sometimes unknown to me.

I often gaze into the mirror, trying to identify who I have turned to become. But all I found was a rugged soul.

I reworked and reworked again it took time to polish into the present, yet the scars shined out.

The past is lost forever, I knew I would never be the same. But the new me is all ready for the take-off, but yes with lots of limitations. The ones with me are reluctant about the sky and never want to leave their nest, which leaves me abandoned half the way, not even in the middle.

Even amidst indifferences, here I am waving my arms high up to show , that I am awake, signaling my dreams to come back.

I hope to be the one I was long back.